A Mad Girl's Tears
by Scandalous Sparkle
Summary: Finnick Odair died a few years ago and Annie has been left broken, unable to repair herself completely. She still takes her son, Finn, to the beach where she spent all her best moments with Finnick. This is what goes through her mind during her private moments when she feels closest to Finnick and when dreams come true. Used to be A Mad Girl's Thoughts...


**_So while working on my other fanfics I suddenly got this incredible brain blast... Not sure if it's ever going to continue on, but couldn't resist sharing it... First time I've done any writing from Annie's PoV... Please read and let me know what you think!_**

* * *

_**Annie**_

It's just like when I came back from the games.

I come to our little beach every day and stare out at the water, watching. Waiting. _Hoping_. I send up silent prayers to whichever deity above is willing to listen to a poor, mad girls pleads. They'd be just as crazy as I am though to even spare a moment to listen to my quiet cries for not just the little boy sitting beside me playing in the sand, but the man whom he resembles.

Finn plays with the ropes I gave him the other day, tying them in little knots. For only being seven, he's smart and is just an incredible little boy. I've loved him with all my heart since the moment I found out about him. I regret not telling Finnick the reason I was sick the morning he left for the Capitol, I had thought there was time to tell him. Perhaps Finnick wouldn't have gone that morning or taken so many risks had he known about Finn. Perhaps had I told the truth to him that morning instead of claiming a stomachache, Finnick would be sitting with me on our special beach, helping Finn tie knots in the nets, help him become a better fisherman and a perfect swimmer.

This beach brings back so many memories but I can't stay away from it. This is where I first met Finnick. This is where I sat with him after his games when he just cried and took out his frustration towards the Capitol. This beach is where I used to walk numbly after my games to feel a little normalcy or peace, all the while Finnick would silently sit or stand by my side, often carrying me back to my home after I had fallen asleep. This beach was also where I had fallen in love with Finnick and he with I. Even after losing him, I couldn't bring myself to abandon it.

"Mama?" Finn whispers beside me.

I slowly turn my head to look down at my little boy. Finnick Odair Junior., my pride and joy, my only reason for waking up in the mornings. He has his father's eyes, hair, smile and way of easily winning over people. He already had the girls chasing after him at his young age, it scared me for in the future when people would really start associating him with his father. I give him a small smile though, he is my last connection to Finnick and aside from the knotted rope bracelet on my wrist as well as a few minor trinkets. Finn is the only living proof that Finnick Odair truly loved me, poor, mad Annie Cresta.

"Yes Finn?" I ask softly as I reach out a hand to smooth down his golden hair that's shining brightly in the shining sun.

"Can you tell me more about daddy?" He asks in a timid voice, setting down his rope. He knows it's an iffy thing to ask about Finnick, some days I'm very talkative and tell him all about his father, smiling and laughing as I recall all our fun times. Other times I can't even utter his name without crying and I end up going to my numb place for hours. It's only every once in a while, like today, he takes the risk.

I pull Finn closer to me, setting him between my outstretched legs and wrapping a blanket around the two of us. "Your daddy was the best man on the planet." I whisper, resting my chin on his head, looking out across the water. "He was kind, gentle, strong and loving, above all he was caring though." I tell him, a small smile turning up the corners of my lips. "He was a brave man, the bravest that ever lived. He was braver than Uncle Gale, Aunt Johanna, Uncle Peeta and Auntie Katniss combined."

He turns back to look at me, eyes wide and I can't help but laugh. "That's super brave!" He gasps.

I nod slowly and reach a hand up to smooth down his hair, a quiet laugh escaping my lips. "Yes it is and you're just as brave." I tell him, laying a sweet kiss on his temple.

"I am?" He asks, confusion in his voice.

"Yes Finn. You are Finnick Odair Junior, you are the son of the most loved man in Panem and two Victors." I tell him. He doesn't know about the games yet or what his father and I had to do, but I know he will soon understand fully what I'm saying. "You selflessly help mommy when she goes to visit daddy and you have never shown fear. No one in all of Panem is as brave as you." I tell him firmly, meaning every word.

He gives me a brilliant smile before throwing his arms around my neck. "Thank you mama, you're the best mama in the whole planet!" He whispers in my ear.

Tears come to my eyes as I wrap my arms around my precious little boy. So much his father's son and he doesn't even realize it. "And you're the best son on the planet Finn… Mama loves you." I whisper in return.

"Finni loves you too." He tells before pulling away and standing up. "Can I play in the water now?" He asks, looking at me pleadingly. Already the conversation is being forgotten, seriousness being replaced with his craving for fun.

I give him a small smile and nod, hiding the tears in my eyes the best I can. I pull the blanket tighter around myself as he runs excitedly to the water, taking off his shirt so he's just in his shorts. He has never feared the water, Katniss had had to teach him to swim since I refuse to venture into the water after my time in the arena. She hadn't minded, it had been a nice distraction for her since things still weren't going well with Peeta despite how involved in her life he was becoming.

I watch Finn splash around dipping under the surface of the cool water. I look to the sky and a few more tears slide down my cheeks. _'Oh Finnick… I wish you were here to help me with him…'_ I think sadly. Finn plays in the water for a few more minutes before he starts yawning and comes out shivering. I get up and wrap the blanket around him since the sun has gone down already.

"Go on up to the house, mama'll be there soon so have Auntie Katniss and Uncle Peeta get you something to eat." I tell him with a gentle push up towards the house I'd had built on the beach.

He nods and slowly makes his way up and I gather his shirt. I take a deep breath and look to the water as I do each night when I'm alone. "I don't know if you can hear me Finnick, I know I say that every night but I just want you to know I still love you." I start as soon as I know that Finn is completely out of earshot and not returning. " Finn's birthday is coming up, well your birthday too since he was born on your birthday. He grows more and more like you every day, he's going to be a good man and I just can't help but wish you were here to help me guide him…" I trail off softly. I always speak to Finnick before going up to the house, it's my time alone with him since I can't be physically with him anymore.

I fall silent and just listen to the waves and wind around me. I close my eyes and breathe in the sweet, salty air, shivering a little in the cool night air. I let more tears slip out. I know that Katniss is going to be worried about me but I know how to handle her. She's just as wounded as I am, we've both lost the men we love and can't live without. I know she means well but she can't help me anymore than I can help her. At least Peeta's still alive, he may hate her and at times want to kill her, but he's still breathing at least and is trying to overcome it for her. He even left District Twelve to travel all the way out here to Four to help me with Finn for a couple of weeks despite all the risks to himself…

When I hear silent footsteps that only trained ears can hear, I don't think anything of it. It's not uncommon for Katniss to join me on her visits, trying to sort out her feelings and thoughts about Peeta. I don't bother to look in the direction of the steps, Katniss and I never speak when we're on the beach saying our nightly farewells. Katniss stops beside me and takes a deep breath, it's shaky and deeper than usual so I know she's nervous about something and it's not something she'd normally discuss with me.

"Katniss, if you want to talk about it, it's alright to talk it out here. It's not against the law to speak here." I tell her softly, reaching up to wipe my tears and sniffle some.

A gentle, calloused hand is suddenly helping wipe my tears away. I stiffen, Katniss' hands don't feel like that… In fact, I only know one man who's hands have ever felt like that…

My eyes snap open and I'm face with the most beautiful green eyes I've ever seen. His hands cup my face as I freeze, taking in his messy bronze-colored hair, tan skin and weak smile that shows just the smallest of hints of the confidence I know is within him. He clears his throat as I gasp for breath, feeling light headed suddenly. "Hello Annie… I'm home." He whispers, his voice cracking as tears come to his eyes.

I don't know what to say or how to respond. I can't take anymore and I feel my mind shut down. He's suddenly frantic, telling me to stay with him. I can't breathe, my mind just can't wrap around the man pleading with me. I let the darkness take over and feel my body go limp against the all too familiar body, just looking for the sweet relief.


End file.
